We all negotiate. We do it so routinely and frequently, at home and at work, with family and friends, that we sometimes don't even realize that we're negotiating.
The negotiation seeks to resolve a conflict of interests through an agreement between two or more parties. In the agreement, we seek to reach a solution that both parties accept as valid.These golden rules come from the Harvard Method, created at Harvard University on how to achieve a win-win agreement. Win-win implies that after the negotiation, in addition to achieving the objectives of the negotiated subject, the relationship between the people is as good or better than before the negotiation took place. If the objective is achieved but the relationship is damaged, it has not been a win-win negotiation.
How do I know if I achieved a win-win agreement?
The first thing to observe is the quality of the agreements achieved. 4 conditions must be met:
- Both parties must benefit
- Both parties must feel satisfied with the agreement achieved (if it benefits me but I feel that I lost, it's not useful; it will impact the relationship in the long term)
- Fair and Equitable. If a neutral third party evaluates the agreement, they have to perceive it as fair; it could be the market price, or a knowledgeable person on a subject for example.
- The relationship must have been strengthened (or at least not damaged)
These 4 golden rules will help you achieve a win-win agreement:
1. Separate the person from the problem
For this, it is essential to detect our emotionality (and that of the other party!). Don't let emotions take over you or take the conflict personally; always try to take it to the material plane, that is, what is being negotiated. For this, always seek to know what the other party really wants, what their interests are, what they really want, instead of negotiating from the position (the superficial). Don't fall into the trap of thinking that the problem is the positions or assume that both have the same interests.
2. Hard with the problem, soft with the people
Being soft with people implies putting yourself in the other person's shoes and making a noble and sincere effort to understand them. Do not try to deduce intentions or look for culprits.
Being hard on the problem seeks to go beyond the obvious and achieve a win-win agreement, evaluating a variety of alternatives and criteria. Remember to express the problem before your point of view and always look forward (not backward!).
3. Generate a variety of possibilities before acting
To achieve a quality agreement, win-win, it is essential to create alternatives, options. What is my ideal agreement? And that of the other party? What happens if we do not reach an agreement? What are the minimum conditions that must be met for both parties to benefit? You can use brainstorming or other techniques that encourage a diversity of ideas and options that are mutually beneficial. Try to focus the problem from different angles and do not assume that “the pie is one”; think in terms of “How do we make the pie bigger?” Questions like..what do you think if…? or How do we do to…” open opportunities.
4. Results and Criteria
Avoid deciding based on subjective opinions. It is essential that the negotiation outcome is measured based on an objective criterion that is agreed upon by the parties. It may be a quality standard, efficiency criteria, justice, market value or scientific support for example. Try to make the evaluation criteria independent, legitimate and practical; agree in advance what those standards will be used to evaluate the agreement.
Next time a conflict arises...are you going to dare to apply them?
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